It is time to write again. It has been a while since I wrote something meaningful. Something that I truly want to express to the world. Because I do not really write to share my ideas, but I do so to relief myself of these thoughts that poke me from inside ever so often, well almost constantly really.
What is love you may ask, or happiness? These are the two questions I have sought for many years, miserably failing each time I almost come to a conclusion. I have come up with some ideas in the past to try and control myself and work in achieving either one of them.
I have thought, deeply, about what love may actually truly be. I had said that love is based on three fundamental pillars that ignite it, fuel it, and sustain it. These are trust, respect and affection. Trust is important for a life that must be both independent and dependant. Most important than trusting the other person however, is being trustworthy. As a consequence, honesty is of crucial importance. Lies are deceitful, however small they are. So to love, one must always be trustworthy.
Then comes respect. What exactly is respect? In my view, it is also about independence and trust. You respect someone by letting them know that they can take their own decisions and you would agree with whatever they choose. It does not mean being passive, but respecting a choice is of paramount importance in asserting one's support, and not dominance, towards another person. Respect is also about compliments and caring. In this modern age, materialism and our looks have been given importance in our lives. By complimenting another person and reassuring them, especially in front of other people, that their ideas are well-considered and that they look mature and of great physical, mental and emotional status, is reassuring and respectful to that person.
Finally, there is affection. This is the hardest of all three pillars. The hardest to build, the hardest to maintain. There is a lot of affection in the world, but most of it is false. True affection is not about the gain but about the giving. Affection should stem from the wish to give to another person that which is given to you, and not to give expecting something in return. I believe that a lot of people find this very hard to comprehend. The pleasure experienced from giving someone something should not be derived from you expecting back affection, another gift in return -whatever that may be - or the approval and thanks of the person you are giving to. Pleasure should be derived from oneself realising that you made someone else appreciated. When you can comprehend and feel this pleasure in giving, affection will become an immaterial gift to another person.
Affection will thus become like a seed that is sown in the heart of another person. It grows if you take care of it carefully. Not by flooding it, and neither can you let it dry. It must be maintained and cared for, slowly and tediously. Eventually, the seed will grow into a tree and it will become large and strong. However big the tree becomes, though, never forget to care for it.
In the end, the three pillars that make love support each other like the keystone in an archway. Respect bolsters trust, trust creates respect. Affection can only be truly experienced with respect and trust. This is what I believe creates what we call love.
Whether love leads to happiness is another story all together. But who am I to know exactly what love and happiness truly are? For when each and every one of us strives for either of them and fail, we doubt ourselves. We forget what love is made of. We forget how to respect and trust. We forget how to give not expecting back. We must remember. This is why I write. I must remember.
