A Year in Review

It has been twenty years spanning two decades, two centuries and two different millennia. This is my life's journey till now, and today is the last day of 2012. Looking back at this year brings back fond memories and bitter ones. Making new friends, going abroad and  the end and start of a new scholastic year have been just a few of the adventures I had.

Switzerland was a magnificent place to visit, especially because I had to opportunity to go to CERN, a dream of mine. To experience the beauty of the Alps and to be able to say you have visited the largest experiment on Earth is beyond extraordinary. Not to mention all those people I had the fortune to get to know. It is rather strange now, to think, that a simple choice to travel with the science society at my university to this place, heralded me into a path that lead to some very great experiences and encounters.

Another place I visited for a youth exchange was Turkey, a trip that changed my ideas about middle-eastern culture. I lived in a small town with a very welcoming family. Their warmth and kindness was unparalleled, as was with all other Turkish people I met. I had never felt so welcome in another country before. It was not the place itself, or the environment, but the people; their generosity and their warm-hearts stayed with me. I learnt so much from this trip, and left so many untold stories behind me. Empty pages to be filled the next time I visit, may it be soon. 

A great part of this year had to be the Science Student's Society at University which I became part of. It was not a little bit as I expected it to be; the work it involves, the fulfilment it gives and the strengthening of character it brought upon me. Joining this society made me learn important skills but most importantly new people. I had the chance to meet a lot of new characters, and most importantly, new ideas and ways of thinking. May the remaining time in this society help me corrode my stubbornness and build new connections. 

It is hard not to mention all the old friends and all the new ones. I cannot mention everyone because that is not the point. Every person I know contributed to building who I am, in every little detail. Be it work, school, recreation, there is nothing worth doing without being in the presence of other people. There is no category of friends but there is a contribution assigned to each one. Some helped in bad times, others made good times possible, and I am grateful for each and every one of you. You are all special to me in your own way and I'm sure you recognise your own contribution in my life.

I will leave you with a quote I wrote a few years back:

"It is in the eyes of those who I know that I see the story of my life, for they are part of who I am and who I shall become"

May the upcoming year be an even greater journey!

Death and Life

We are made like this. We are made to fear.

This is the day of the apocalypse - 21/12/2012.

If tomorrow you wake up and I am not with you, do not cry for me. My death is not a loss and you will gain nothing from crying. Rather, think of all the good memories I have left behind. Think of all the struggles I surmounted, of all the tears I have shed. Think of all the smiles and laughter and of all the people I came to know. Their is nothing to gain from crying a lost soul. I find that rather selfish, for what are you crying for, except for your own loss of not having the benefit of living with that person anymore? I hope I was not a burden in your life, but if I was then my apologies. If I made you happy, then there is no sense in crying to the lack of that happiness that I will not be able to provide. For if I die, I will not suffer but I don't want you to suffer still. To you, who shall cry, I do not owe you anything to cry for.

We are made like this. We are made to die. Be it tomorrow or today, or in fifty years, our end in inevitable. However, it is the journey we take to the end that defines us. I find it rather beautiful to not believe in heaven or hell, because that makes our only life more precious. We have to live in this reality; a miracle of nature - the chance we have been given to live is beyond any other thought of an afterlife. We are very lucky indeed, to even exist in the first place, so whatever actions we take, must be in respect to this slight possibility which has befallen us.

It is in our nature to look for the end of days, be it our own or for the human race. We humans are like this, we care for each other, and we fear our own death and the death of those close to us. The notion of losing someone is harsher then the realization of being with someone. The very basic habits of life are most often neglected. A smile, a handshake, a hug. These are the little things that have value far greater then the fear of death. When we realize this, our lives will be more complete, and death will be insignificant.

So if tomorrow I shall die, do not cry me. Be thankful I have been in your life, for the good or the worse, as I have been thankful in my own.

A Few Words

Writing has never been easy. I don't think it will ever be. I try to describe what I feel day by day in words that possibly could never describe the exact emotions that churn inside me. This is the truth about human life. We try to share how we feel so that, in so doing, can understand what we probably are struggling to get a hold of. Words are just a shadow of the truth. And the truth is far from a clear see-through glass. It is more like an ocean with tides and storms and currents. The ebb and flow of life and emotions is like the waves that crush on a desolate shore, carving the rocks as if struggling to climb onto land, but never succeeding.

We are rational animals meant to suffer the natural evolution of our body and mind. It is hard to understand how our own thoughts can conjure emotions of sadness and happiness. These do not occur in other animals. It is only fear and pleasure that exists outside the human world, but we managed to transform these two purest of natural forms into something abstract, something humans strive to achieve or avoid, only to succumb to their power.

Sharing a few words to describe the feeling of wanting to share is paradoxical. It has no sense in itself, except the comfort it gives to me while writing them. For a few brief minutes, while my fingers type tirelessly on this keyboard, my mind sways away from these daily struggles, from these torments I build in my own mind. I run away from all the dreams, from the achievements I strive to conquer. I run away from the sadness and the happiness all of this brings, and shift into the realm of the narrator.

It is quite a different feeling to write, then to live. I do not think that the first man wrote to communicate with his kin in order to achieve a common goal. The first man to write was no altruist. He was a selfish man, and he wanted to get rid of his suffering. He wanted to express the conjured thoughts of his mind into something physical or otherwise tangible.

This is the reason for which I write.